Firsts
by Wolflover007
Summary: Maura experiences many "Firsts" during her year in prison. WARNING: VIOLENT.


First Order:

I was forced to strip. I hesitated as I stood in the holding cell for new inmates. The guard stared at me and smirked. She was clearly not amused as I was taking too long. She grabbed her nightstick and hit me in the head with it.

"I said strip. Don't make me ask again."

I hurried up and as she searched me and gave me my new clothes I felt my heart get heavy. The guard reminded me of her…

* * *

First Interaction:

I was placed in another holding cell. There were lots of prisoners there. Some older, many of them just kids. Most of whom I helped locked up.

I kept quiet and went to sit when I heard a noise.

"I know you." Someone said.

I said nothing for I had no idea who she was.

"You help those cops." She said.

Fuck me! Come on be strong.

"Well what are you gonna do rat? You locked most of us up and now you're alone with us."

"I am not a rat, I'm a human." I said trying to be strong. I guess that was a mistake.

"Oh. Little bitch has balls."

"That's humanly impossible." My mouth was working faster than my brain.

"Oh. Punk you're good for a laugh. But I have had enough."

Suddenly I was slammed against the wall with a shank to my neck.

"What do you want on your grave? Cocksucker." She asked me.

I spat on her and felt my ribs being kicked. Then she was pulled off me. Several guards entered the cell and pulled her away. I clutched my ribs as pain shot through me. I whimpered and shook. An older guard came to me and tried to help me up. I growled at her and she backed away.

"Do you want help?"

I shook my head and she looked at the other inmates.

"Get going." She barked and they left to the main prison area. She left me in the cell alone. I struggled to get up but didn't show how much pain I was in. They finished booking me and I left to go to my cell…

* * *

First "New" Roommate:

I remember my first day of college and how awkward meeting my roommate was. I laid claimed to one side of the room and unpacked my possessions. When she came she was a black haired girl, good build with a great ass. She came to me and shook my hand and told me her name. We became good friends till she transferred and she always talked my ear off.

As I walked into my cold dark cell I saw someone doing pushups. She appeared to be in great shape and had short brown hair. She was shirtless and her back was covered in stab wounds. She also had a tattoo of claw marks running down her shoulder.

The guard opened the cell door and she glanced at us.

"Put your damn shirt back on Beast."

"Fuck you." she said.

She finished her set and put her shirt on and faced us. I gasped as I saw that she was a child, no older than Cailin.

_The poor thing. _I thought and was brought out of my trance by a push of the guard. She shoved me into the cell and shut the gate.

"What?" Beast yelled.

"Meet your new cellmate."

"Oh hell no. You can't be serious." She said.

I said nothing and struggled to get to the bed. Beast looked over at me.

"Hold on lady I'll give you a hand."

She came and helped me get up on the top bunk. She hands were strong and scared. Pale lines carved into her wrist, self-inflicted ones. I looked self-consciously at my own wrists. They too were scared from my own hands.

"What's your name?"

"Beast." She said.

"That's an interesting name."

"Well my real name is Mindi but everyone calls me beast."

"I'm Maura." I said.

She went to her desk and pulled out a book. She climbed onto the bottom bunk and read. I looked at my empty desk and wanted something to do. I laid there till dinner time…

* * *

First Dinner:

I limped into the mess hall gasping my side. I looked around for a table to sit at. It was like the public high schools I researched. The cliques were true. They were mostly by race. The blacks sat in the far right corner, the Mexicans near the center, the Asians near the left corner, a small group of mixed races near the Mexicans and the whites in the far left corner.

The woman from before came up to me and smirked. She spit at my feet and I just stared at her.

"I'll get you." She threatened.

"Go fuck yourself." I said.

She raised her fist and I didn't move.

"Come on fight." She said.

I stood still but didn't raise my fist. She put her fist down and stomped away. I went to a table by myself and ate. I think I ate potatoes and meat but I'm not sure. I drank milk and then got up to throw it away. Beast looked at me from across the room and raised her milk. I smirked and went to her. She backed away although I'm not sure why. I sat in the corner till dinner was over…

* * *

First "Sleep":

I didn't sleep at all that first night. Everyone had gone to sleep and beast slept below me. It was the first time I was able to cry since arriving. I knew I wouldn't be able to show weakness when I woke and the sadness overwhelmed me. I grabbed my pillow and sobbed. I tried to keep quiet for they would know.

I shook violently as I cried and felt the sadness and fear dig its claws into me. I welcomed it for it felt better than the reality. The numbness of Jane betraying me. How the cold cuffs prevented me from escaping. When I told her to do her job; a small part of hoped that she would give up her job for me. I guess the job is more important. Jane please come get me out of here please…

* * *

First Shower:

It had been three days since I've been here. I awoke in the morning to confront one of my biggest fears- taking a shower. It wasn't that I had a fear of showers for that would be irrational. It was the stories I hear about them in our culture. I gulped and went to the shower. I stripped off my jumpsuit and stared at myself in the mirror.

My eyes were red and puffy from the crying and lack of sleep. My hair was greasy and matted. I looked at my ribs and saw a large bruise taking up several inches of skin. It was then that I made my diagnosis, I had a bruised rib. It was agony to deal with but I managed.

I turned the water on and stepped into the shower. There were some others around but I didn't bug them. I washed my body with soap and turned around so that my back was against the wall. I rinsed with my back against the wall. I turned around and felt someone grab my neck. I screamed helplessly and they slammed me against the wall.

"That's it punk, scream…"

* * *

First Self-Defense:

The woman pinned me against the shower floor. I felt her strong hand against my neck. I struggled and flailed like a fish. She let me go and I laid there.

"Get up so I can kill you." She said.

I stood and stared her right in the eyes. She punched me and I grabbed her fist. I grabbed her and tossed her against the wall. She didn't say anything but avoided my gaze. I smirked and hit her across the face.

"I suggest you don't risk your life on trying to hurt me… You have no clue what I'm capable of." I told her and then let her go.

She ran away like a puppy with a tail between its legs.

I looked down at my hand and smirked.

* * *

First Day on the Yard:

After my shower I went to the prison yard. The prisoners were once again separated. I saw that many of them didn't have shirts on (they had tank tops on) and many had tattoos. I sat in the corner and meditated when I felt someone staring. I opened my eyes and stared…

Jane? That's impossible. I'm just imagining things. Jane stood in front of me and smiled. I reached my hand out and she offered her hand to me. I suddenly felt an anger wash through me. I grabbed her throat and choked her. I smirked at the reality of hurting Jane.

I suddenly felt someone tackle me. I opened my eyes and Jane disappeared. Beast laid on top of me and snapped me out of it. I looked around and was glad to see I didn't actually hurt someone.

"Jane..."

* * *

First Option:

I knew that I needed protection in here and needed it bad. Beast always seemed fine but I couldn't figure out why. She was just a kid after all, so she should be attacked too. One night in our cell I talked to her about it.

"My dear, I am just too strong. That's why no one bugs me."

"But there are people here stronger than you. How do you survive then?"

She growled and sat up from her bed. She lifted her sleeve up and I saw it. A tattoo of a wolf. It was black and was stepping on a skull. Blood dripped from its fangs and underneath it said "lobas". I stared at it and she put her sleeve back down.

"I'm a member of the lobas. We are one of the strongest prison gangs in here."

"And because you are part of this gang, they give you protection."

"No I protect myself. But they provide a family. They-Why am I telling you this you? have a family already."

I didn't say anything. If only beast knew. I had a family but it was broken. My mother is depressed for my being here, Hope and Paddy are the reason I have evil blood in me and Jane betrayed me. What kind of family is that?

"How do I join?"

"You join the lobas? HAHAHA."

"What's so funny?"

"We are a group of violent murderers and lifelong criminals. You wouldn't even pass training."

"Oh yeah!"

She said nothing but smirked at me.

"I like your fire. Alright I put in a word for you. But-"

She slammed me against the wall.

"You make me look bad and I'll kill you myself."

She released me and laid in bed. I now had my option.

* * *

First Lesson:

Beast put in a word for me and I began my training. It took 3 months and my body was put through hell. I bulked up physically, learned to make tools and weapons and learned that smarts mean nothing in here. The outside world wouldn't recognize me anymore. It's not like anyone cares to see me anyway.

Beast stood in front of us potential members for a meeting. We were in the basement in the prison. It was a room usually used for storage but the gangs use it for meetings. It had a sink in the corner and was about the size of a cell.

"Ladies, I'm proud of you. I've pushed you physically and mentally and you fought hard to get here however- One of you can no longer stay."

We looked at each other and I noticed one girl. She was a child maybe 20 with long blonde hair and a skinny build. She had on a cross and was always seen praying at the prison chapel. Her name was Valarie.

"You see…" Beast began to speak. She circled us like a vulture circling its prey, like a buyer examining the object, like a killer picking out its next victim.

"…One of you lovely ladies spoke a word to the guards. Now we can't have a rat like that crawling around. Spreading their nasty germs and infecting the gang. Now- If anyone has anything to confess to I suggest you do it now."

Silence. Eerie cruel silence.

"Very well."

Beast walked around again.

Silence.

She walked a third time and spoke.

"Let's see. Duck…Duck…Duck…Duck…RAT!"

She picked up Valarie and threw her across the room. The rest of us jumped up. We were too scared to move. Beast walked to Valarie and dragged her to the middle of the floor.

"Now Valarie." She spat with venom. "Would you like to inform us as to what you spoke?"

Valarie tried to stay strong and said nothing.

"Very well. You must trap a rat first anyway." Beast said and then shoved two shanks into Valarie's palms. Valarie screamed in agony.

_I received the call late that night around 10 p.m. I raced to the hospital…to her. Her hands were wrapped in gauze. She wouldn't speak no matter how hard we tried. She was "knocked out" and I sat in her bed all night. I cooed her and when she woke up that morning I smiled a goofy grin. She wouldn't look at me but I still held her._

"Jane." I whispered.

Everyone's head turned toward me. I thought up a quick way out of this one. Beast came to me and grabbed my shirt.

"What did you say?"

"I said nothing of importance." That wasn't totally a lie.

"Well keep your mouth shut. Got it?"

I nodded and she released me. Valarie confessed. She told the guard that we were training to make knifes during lunch. The guards came and threw Beast in the hole for a week. Her name was never mentioned but beast knew. Beast chuckled a little.

"Good. Now time to set an example." She said in a low voice so that I heard her.

Wait she wasn't gonna. No please don't. I tried to will my body to move but couldn't. I'd take the pain if that kid gets to live. Come on limbs work damnit!

Beast knelled before Valarie and stroked her face. Valarie relaxed some and beast pulled back.

"Please. I won't rat again just let me live…Please! I wanna see so many things. My ma and… and my pa…let me live to see them." Valarie begged and was in sobs.

Beast smirked and held a shank to Valarie's neck.

"You demon…You'll repent your sins when you burn in hell…God won't save scum like you…He'll-"

Blood splattered everywhere. It splattered on Beast and on us. The warm liquid ran down my exposed arms and down my face into my mouth. The salty fluid burned as I swallowed it.

"Shut the fuck up can't you see I wasn't even listening." She said to the bleeding corpse. I looked at it. She'll be dead within five minutes.

Beast turned to us. Her face dripped with blood and it ran down her shirt.

She took off her shirt and washed it in the sink. She also washed the blood off her face. She returned to the now dead corpse and used her hand to close Valarie's eyes. She pulled the shanks out and then turned to us.

"Let this serve as a lesson. You never betray the gang. If you do you will be thrown to the dogs."

She walked by us and opened the door. She looked at us one more time.

"Clean this shit up you four and then return to the yard."

She then slammed the door.

* * *

First Taste of Gang Life:

I was inducted into the Lobas a week later. The older members sat in a circle as I walked to mama, our leader, and she put her hands my shoulder.

"Maura Isles, we have put you through hell both physically and mentally. We have had you do awful things and now you are one of us. Una Loba."

"Una Loba." I repeated.

"Repeat after me. I Maura Isles, prisoner 17383 swear to honor and uphold the traditions of this gang as long I shall remained imprisoned. I understand that should I betray my fellow members that I will not only lose their protection but will be exiled and given proper punishment up to and including death."

I repeated what she said and she smirked. She grabbed a dagger from her pocket and pointed it at me. Fear shot through me and I began to back away. Another member held me down and mama cut my face. She cut a mark above my right eye and another below it. I held in my screams and watched as blood dripped from my wounds. I placed my hand to my eye and my palm became covered in blood.

She smirked and let up.

"Your name is now Mad Dog Isles. You are a member of the lobas. You will do what your superiors demand and will have protection as long as you are here. Now get on your feet."

I stood up and glared at her. I growled and spat at the ground. There was a small glass mirror in the room and as I walked to it I gasped at what I saw. A blonde stared back at me.

Her hair was in disarray, her once beautiful face now broken and bare. Her eyes tired and in her eyes burned an anger. It was a small flame but it burned. I tried to place what it was but couldn't. I glanced at the floor then back at the group…

My family…

* * *

First Punk/"First Time": (TRIGGER WARNING Dubcon/ Abuse …SKIP IF NEEDED)

After I was inducted I lived as a member. We and our rival gang _Las Diablas_ would get in scraps sometimes but mostly we kept to ourselves. It had been 6 months since I've been in here. Half a year wasted…half a year of not being able to use my smarts…half a year of hell but mostly half a year of loneliness. It wasn't that I didn't like my gang family. In fact I grew to become friendly to them it's just I would like someone to cuddle at night…someone to hold and call my own.

A few weeks later my wish came true. I overheard Beast talking to another member about an auction. She invited me to go and told me to bring something to bet with. I chose some cigarettes that I stole from a Diabla.

We went to see the Diablas there. They sat at the opposite side of us but left us alone. As the auction began Beast told me to watch her. A young girl got on stage. She looked very scared and fragile. Her long black hair and tan skin made me tingle.

"Let's start the bidding at one cigarette." A Diabla said.

"Two." Beast said.

"Three." Someone else said.

"Four." Beast said.

I don't know what came over me. I was supposed to be watching but I wanted this one.

"Five." I blurted out.

The entire crowd stared at me. Beast smirked and backed out of the auction.

"Sold to…"

"Mad Dog…" I said. I gave her the 5 cigarettes and grabbed the girl's hand. I dragged her out of the auction. Before we got to the door though I heard Beast say something.

"So that's your type? Have fun Mad Dog." She said then winked.

I rolled my eyes and dragged the girl to the showers.

…

We got to the showers and she kneeled to me. I raised my eyebrow at her and she looked at me. I pulled her up and held her.

"Do you want me to start?"

"No…not yet let me enjoy this…" I responded. I knew what she was trained to do. I knew what was coming. I held her for a little bit and then let her go. I leaned against the wall and she kneeled. I closed my eyes and smirked.

_I had always imagined what it'd be like to fuck Jane. How those strong muscular arms would wrap around me. If she would like it rough or a tender session to get her off. How she'd gasp my name and cling to me as incredible pleasure shot through her._

_I felt a sudden tingle in stomach. It started to grow as I felt a tongue circling my clit. I moaned and the tongue circled faster. I grabbed Jane's head and pulled her closer. I wanted to moan her name but felt that it was wrong for some reason so I held it in. _

_Jane worked faster… worked…it was my work that put me at that scene…it was Jane's work that threw me in here…she wouldn't give up work for me and now I am nothing better than a dirty criminal…a killer in high heels._

_That tingle in my stomach now burned as a blaze of darkness, betrayal, and hatred._

_I pulled Jane's hair to have her stand and then smacked her in the face. I growled and opened my eyes. Jane sat in the corner, hand to her cheek, eyes full of unfallen tears and fear. I smirked and went to her. I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head._

"_Move and I'll kill you." I spat at her._

_She stayed still. She always listened to me. I grabbed her legs and spread them. I smirked as the wetness between my legs now drenched my thighs. I always knew I was a sadist but this was the most powerful feeling I have felt in a long time. _

_I was just about to push my hand in but something felt wrong. I closed my eyes again and heard a soft cry._

I opened my eyes and saw that Jane had vanish. The woman from before was crying and rubbing her face. I lowered my fist but didn't help her.

"Get up."

She stood on weak legs but did as I asked. I rubbed my eyes again but still felt Jane's presence.

"I'm sorry." She said.

I snapped and punched her in the face. I heard the satisfying crunch of bone and a scream filled my ears. I looked at her. I felt a little sorry because this poor girl was being abused because of a traitor.

I turned my back and she put her arms around me. I wanted to badly to explain bit if people knew about Jane they'd use it against me. I held her for some time then escorted her back to her cell. We never finished having sex but it didn't bother me.

* * *

First Fight:

As a lobas I usually got in a few scraps but the worst came after the 8 month mark. Beast and I were playing cards when a Diabla come over to us and threatened us. We ignored her for a while and then she came again with a younger member. Beast asked them to leave but then one of them pulled out a shank.

Beast smirked and stood up. She gave them one last warning but then they charged. Beast punched one in the face and I pinned the other one. She stabbed me and I hit her again. She pulled the knife out of my side. I whimpered but stood. Beast had chased the other one down the hall. I put my hand to my side. I pulled it away and looked at it. Blood slowly rolled down it.

I looked at the girl and smirked. I then laughed loudly seeing my own blood on my hand. I growled at her and she backed away. I could tell she didn't want to back out but it was too late for her. She trembled and I threw a chair at her.

I missed but the fear on her face made me smile. I walked to her and dragged her to the table. I slammed her on it and smirked. I slammed my fist into her face many times. I enjoyed the specks of blood that flew onto me. She screamed and begged for her life. I let up and let her go.

…

**Later that Night:**

I was wandering around after the guards did check. I thought about the fight and chuckled darkly to myself. I couldn't let my prey get off that easily. No. little did she know that she awoke the sadistic demon in me.

Beast had gone to sleep for she was too tired after her fight. She bandaged herself and I after the fights and I thanked her. It was the first time being cut but not my last.

Anyway, my sadistic demon didn't want to let this one go. The gates weren't shut yet for it wasn't officially bedtime so I walked out. I quietly walked to her cell and quietly picked the lock. She was sleeping on the bottom bunk.

I slowly and quietly straddled her and taped her hands to the bed. I then taped her mouth and waited.

She stirred and I stared at her frightened eyes. I smirked and felt the desire grow in me. My demon would get its fill tonight. I took the same shank that she used on me and slit her throat. I wanted to torture her more but didn't have time. I moaned at the blood splatter and took one taste. My beast was satisfied so I quietly went to wash myself and returned to my cell.

They investigated the murder but didn't investigate very closely. The guards in here don't exactly stop violence because to them we are all lowlife criminals and I remember the most important thing beast told me.

Always watch your own back.

* * *

First Visitor:

It had been 9 months since I have seen anyone from the outside world. I couldn't imagine the pain they have suffered but I still never expected a visitor. I was sleeping in my cell when the guards walked up.

"Mad dog."

Nothing.

"Wake up."

I turned and ignored them. They opened the cell and then pulled me onto the floor.

"Hey what's the big idea?" I asked.

They slapped cuffs on me and I lost it. I would never again be restrained in these things. I thrashed and they pinned me down. Eventually I relaxed and they helped me stand.

They put a bag over my head and took me away.

…

I felt myself being put in a chair and then felt my hands being chained to a table. When the bag was lifted, I gasped at who I saw.

"Cailin?"

The person who was visiting was not my mother Constance, my mother Hope or even that traitor Jane; it was my sister Cailin. The one in college who probably had about as much to do with this as I did with the Americans landing on the moon.

"Hey Maura. Sorry that I haven't been here to visit you. School's been really busy."

I didn't look at her. I was still shocked that she was here.

We talked for a while about many things. I asked her about her school, her friends, Hope, just anything.

"I changed majors." She told me.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah I didn't have it in me to be a doctor. I mean I was smart but couldn't work with people for some reason."

"Yeah…you can take my job…my patients never talked back."

"I don't know who replaced you but I couldn't do it. So I changed it to anthropology and evolutionary science."

"Impressive."

She slid me a cupcake.

"I made you a lot but the warden said I could only give you one."

I took it and tried to eat it, it was hard with my cuffed hands. She unwrapped it and gave it back. I took a bite and then devoured it.

"Hungry huh?"

"Not really I just miss outside food."

"9 months. I can't believe it. When I first heard you got arrested I denied it. How could my sister, my sweet kind selfless sister kill a man?"

"Cailin…"I warned.

"I miss you Maura. Mom went back to London for a trip. She apologizes for not visiting you. She was too freaked out. She said something about evil blood and her fault."

"Tell her it's not her fault. I got myself in here."

We sat in silence for a bit.

"So got any good stories in here?" She asked me awkwardly.

I told her some of what happened. I avoided the part about the gang as much as I could. She nodded and reached for my hands. I pulled them away as best I could. I didn't want her to become tainted with my dirty hands. She looked at me and understood.

She pulled out a photo of herself in a nice dress. She gave it to me and told me to look at it later. She also gave me a letter.

"I wrote some stuff. I mean we talked about it for the most part but still."

We sat again.

"I-we really do miss you Maura. Angela, me, Constance, Mom but I think Jane misses you the most."

I lost it. I pulled at the chains holding me and thrashed in anger. A guard came and held me back. I relaxed some and he left. I looked back at Cailin. Her eyes terrified and she was pulled away defending herself with her hands in front of her chest.

"Cailin…" I reached out for her. "I'm sorry. I just get mad when people mention her. I…i…"

She pulled her chair closer and relaxed.

"Maura. You're my sister and I'll always love you. You don't have to explain yourself."

I smiled a sad smile and she gave me another cupcake.

"Savor it this time."

She stood to leave and then hugged me and kissed my head. She pulled back and smiled.

"Cailin I don't think you should visit me again until I…" I couldn't finish my thought.

"Nonsense. You went 9 months straight without outside contact. You need this."

"Cailin. Please just…I'll tell you when it is safe to visit. I still love you though."

"I love you too Maura."

She kissed my head and I tried to hug her the best I could. She pulled back and looked at me.

"You're still good Maura. I know you are." She said and then left.

_Oh Cailin. If only you knew… If only…._

* * *

First Day of Trial:

My trail came after my 11 month mark. I was escorted down to the court in my nice orange jumpsuit and sat quietly in the courthouse.

I saw Jane and the others enter. Jane looked much thinner now. She clearly wasn't taking care of herself. I almost feel a little bad because she probably worried about me all this time. She looked over at me in shock. It was most likely due to my new appearance.

I smirked and moved to show Jane my large arms and my tattoo. It was 3 claw marks that ran from my shoulder down my forearm. The marks were black with drops of blood running down it. Beast helped me draw the design.

As she went to see the judge, I growled. My inner beast wanted nothing more than to sink its "claws" into Jane and tear her apart. I held it back and repressed the urge.

I remained quiet during most of the trail. Jane went up to testify and looked at me for a minute.

"Detective Rizzoli. Based on your investigation, Ms. Doyle here attacked Mr. Adams and then preceded to leave him in his car is that correct?"

"Who the hell you calling Doyle?! My name is Isles. Mad dog Isles got it?" I yelled. I never wanted to be associated with my father. A guard grabbed me then cuffed me. I bared my teeth but relaxed.

"From the evidence gathered it was apparent that Miss Isles was not drugged and was conscious of what she was doing when the attacked occurred." Jane said. I saw her swallow vomit as if it pained her to say it.

* * *

First Realization:

My questioning came soon after and as I tried to recall my events from that night I realized something- It wouldn't matter what I said because the state already views me as a killer and frankly I didn't care. I felt a part of me died with Bryan Adams but I couldn't care. I liked it in jail…sure in jail people hurt and betrayed each other but you would expect it. I guess it was foolish of me to expect Jane to come and get me out but my foolish heart still hoped for it.

However after Jane said that statement in court…the last of my hope was killed. Slaughtered like a worthless rat. My transition was complete. They saw me as a killer and now I saw myself as one too. Well I might as well give them what they want.

* * *

First Sentence:

One year…12 months…52 weeks…365 days…

It had been one year since I was taken from my Beacon Hill home and thrown into jail. Since I went from doctor Isles to just Maura. Since I went from innocent to full blooded killer. I hurt so many in jail and drew great pleasure from it. I liked it in there. I no longer craved for the unexpected cold world but for a cell. I turned my back on my cop colleges for my gang family. I traded my high class outfits for an orange jumpsuit and a tattoo.

As I sat in that cold courtroom I waited for my sentence quietly. The judge called me forward and looked at me. He then told me to turn and asked me if I had anything to say to the crowd and to the people of Boston before he gave his judgement.

"People of Boston. It had been a rough year for me as you could imagine however…you see me as a killer…as Paddy Doyle's love child. So what does it matter what I am about to say. You just want me in jail anyway… I would like to say sorry to anyone I hurt but I wouldn't take it back. I don't remember what happened on the night that changed my life but frankly I couldn't care what happened. You'll just go about your meaningless lives thinking one more killer is of the streets. You won't care what happens to us once you toss us away. Leaving us to wonder why we had to go to jail…how some of the innocent ones are rotting away while the true evil hides in your world. In the corporate offices, behind the thin blue line but mostly behind this court. You turned your back on me Boston and this will be the last time I turn to face you…"

I turned to the judge and looked at him.

"Your honor do what you want with me. Make an example and bring justice to these pathetic people and please I have one request."

He waited.

"No matter what the verdict. Spare me the agony of living in this cruel unpredictable, heartless world and put me back in jail where I belong. Do that and I will go peacefully and be happy."

He stared at me and I felt the eyes of the crowd no the whole city on me. They couldn't believe what I had said but I bowed and waited for my sentence.

"hu..ung.. Miss Maura Isles on the crime of murder in the first degree this court finds you not guilty. In the crime of murder in the second degree this court finds you guilty and sentences you to life in prison. You may now go."

I turned and looked at Jane's face. She was still crying while many of the people in the court were congratulating her. I walked out without a word. I was put in the car and driven away. Jane had won and I returned to where I belonged.

I laughed at the irony of it. Jane's work was to protect people but she couldn't even protect me her best friend. In the end I protected her by sending myself back to jail and kept her safe from myself. I smirked on the ride back.

* * *

First Merger and the Loba-Diabla War:

After I was sentenced I gained a little respect behind bars. Beast was even impressed. I was promoted to sergeant of the lobas (beast was general- one rank higher). This left me 3rd in command of the gang. Beast and I made the gang become more violent than before.

We added 10 new people and did several raids on the Diablas and the guards. We attacked them and killed about 25 of them. It was an all-out war. I quite enjoyed it. We were gaining control of the prison and were enjoying it. This war went on for 6 months until the Diablas finally crumbled and we recruited the rest of them.

Our new gang was the demonia lobas or demon wolves. After the merger we celebrated with a feast and a treaty. The 2 gangs created new rules and beast and I became the generals of the new super gang. We were 1st in command. In reality we were second in command but the two leaders- Mama and Queen were much too old to continue so they passed the torch to us.

It felt good to finally have power.

* * *

First Real Talk:

Beast and I didn't talk much when we were in our cell so after the merger we took a walk around the yard.

"Beast what is your story? I mean you know mine but-

"All of Boston knows yours Mad Dog. Well I was born an orphan, my ma left me on the stair step of an orphanage. I was raised by them until I was 13 when I got kicked out for fighting. I always hated it there anyway. The master was abusive and we were barely feed."

As I looked at Beast I couldn't help think of how lucky I was for if Constance hadn't taken me I would have been an orphan as well.

"I lived on the streets for a while. I scrounged for food and whatever I couldn't find I stole. Anyway when I was 16 a cop found me and offered me food. I took it and ran. A few months later that cop found me stealing and smoking weed so she took me in and the court threw me in jail. They connected me to a dead man but I didn't kill nobody. And that's how I ended up in here. I was supposed to get a year but because of that case I've been in here for 5. I got to be in here for life but I didn't kill nobody."

I listened to her spill her guts and held her.

"Who was the cop?"

"She had long hair…black I believe…and olive skin…worked in the drug unit for a long time…dressed like a hooker sometimes…"

"Jane…" I whispered.

"What?"

"Her name is Jane Rizzoli. She threw me in here and had me sentenced."

"I wish Jane would look at my case again. I mean it's not like anyone wants me on the outside world but it would be nice to prove my innocence just to have a grain of salvation in this hell."

"Yeah."

I put my arm around her. It started to rain so I carried her back inside. She fell asleep in my arms. Jane hurt me and this girl. Who knows how many others she's ruined? Oh Jane you better prey I never find you…

* * *

First Transfer/First Lucky Day:

The warden decided to send me to another institute for I was becoming too violent for this one. Beast and the others threw me a secret party. We laughed about all the memories we had. Beast gave me a locket with a photo of us in it. I was going to miss her the most. I just wish there was something I could do to help her get her wish. I sighed as the guards put me into the van.

Beast ran to the van and shouted something as it pulled away.

"Mad Dog! Viva Las Lobas!"

I smiled and shouted it back through a small window.

…

I wasn't sure how long the ride was going to take but this seemed too long. One of the guards went to check on the driver. He saw the driver was out cold and the van was being controlled remotely. I smirked, the gang gave me a going away present and rigged the van.

The guard tried to stop it but couldn't. I wiggled around and suddenly felt the van stop. The guard went through a windshield and the van screeched to a halt. I wiggled my way to the uncocious guard and found a key. I undid my handcuffs and kicked the door open.

I stepped onto the road and was about to make a run for it. I was after all on an abandoned road when I suddenly had a better idea. I changed out of my jumpsuit and took the guards clothes. I changed and looked around. I could easily run away but wasn't far from Boston and had one final score to settle…

* * *

First Break In:

I had learned many things in prison and lock picking was one of them. I walked around the back of BPD. It brought back so many memories. I saw the camera on the outside of the building and smirked. I waved at it to see if they would find me. Nothing. I looked closer to see the camera was off.

That was strange but I didn't mind. It was my lucky day.

I smirked as I slowly picked the lock. It clicked and I slowly entered the morgue. As the smell of the morgue hit my nose, I stopped in place.

The morgue was empty. It was fairly clean as well. Whoever they got to replace me clearly was clean. It was probably that damned Pike. Oh I wish I could have fired him because every victim would now be fucked due to his incompetence.

I wondered to my old office to see all my things were gone. There were some paintings on the wall and they were in fairly good taste. Dali, Rembrandt, Warhol. I smiled as I thought of all the times Jane comforted me. But now I smirk at who I see replaced me. It wasn't Pike and that's all that matters.

I wandered through the basement floor. I went to the archive and searched for many hours. I found Beast's file. I may no longer work for the people but can still bring justice to those in need. I am like a superhero. Working against the police but working for justice.

After I had the file I went to Ballistics. There was a scanner on the door. I kicked it in and it broke. I smirked.

I only had one chance to do this and wanted to do it right. I searched through the guns but couldn't find the one I wanted. I settled on a Taser. I grabbed it, tested it, walked back to the crime lab and waited…

* * *

First Comparison:

I sat in the corner of the crime lab. She'd be here soon. I thought about the note I left her.

Jane, please come to the crime lab alone.

I was shaking with pleasure. I was finally getting revenge. Not just for me but for Beast. I thought about it so many times. How many ways I could kill her, torture her, fuck her…

I thought about it in confinement, in the shower, on the yard. I thought about it during the nights where I would stare at the ceiling and see nothingness. I could taste her blood on my tongue, the warm coppery fluid as the life drained from her eyes.

"You're like me."

Damn. How I wished those words weren't true. I wish Hoyt hadn't seen the monster deep inside my heart. Hadn't given it a chance to resurface and rear its ugly head. At first I feared his words but after all this…I embrace them. The only difference being that unlike Hoyt I will actually get Jane.

She would be here soon. I licked my lips and waited for my prey.

* * *

First (and last) Encounter:

I crouched behind a plant in the crime lab when I heard the shaking of a doorknob. She entered and sighed heavily.

"Dr?"

I cringed at the title. While my replacement was a doctor in every sense of the word. I am the only one she should be calling that. I smiled and moved quietly behind her.

"Dr?"

"Yes?" I said and then tazed her.

She fell to the ground. I smirked and hit the shutdown button. It locked of the crime lab from everyone else. I dragged her to the center of the lab. I pulled out her cold cuffs. I growled as I held them. The very things that she carried me off in. I was like a caged animal, well now it's her turn. I thought about using them on her but then another idea crossed my mind.

I grabbed two scalpels and stretched out her arms. I looked at the scars that already lined her hands. I sighed, do I really want to do this?

_Stop hesitating._

I…I mean she was just doing her job.

_She threw you in a hellhole and never came and got you. She said in court that you're a murder. _

But maybe I did kill him, so what?

_Why spare her the agony because they are already looking for you. _

She didn't do anything wrong.

_Might as well have fun before they haul you away. Besides this may be your only chance._

Red clouded my vision anger burned within me and I shook in anger.

_Remember she took your heart, your hope, your life and broke all of them. You'll never be a doctor again, you'll never be loved again, and you'll just rot in jail while she gets to walk free._

Alright! Just shut up.

I grabbed her hand and shoved a scalpel through it. Blood dripped out of the wound. It flowed so thickly and warm. I bent down and licked the wound. My eyes rolled back and I moaned at the coppery taste in my mouth. I repeated the process on the other hand.

I took her gun and radio from her belt. As I held the weapon in my hands, I couldn't help but think of how Jane seemed to handle it so easily. It seemed like the gun was a part of her which will make it that much sweeter. It was a nice comparison, the gun felt like a part of her as the scalpel felt like a part of me. It was my glock and the gun was her scalpel.

It's funny really we both used weapons to bring down killers and deliver justice but now instead of justice they will bring revenge.

Justice. I couldn't think of a word more loved by the people. Without ever exercising their own strength; the outside world sought justice at the hands of someone else. They don't think about the victims of justice and the lives it torn apart like Jane and I.

I felt the blazing anger inside me. Its sluggish liquid coursed through my veins, it poison spread through my nerves infecting both mind and body. However I didn't fight the hatred and anger that blazed my skin and burned my body for fighting it only brings more suffering.

I stood still for a minute and let the anger take its course. Until my heart was filled with eternal darkness. I finally was able to kill without guilt and will take it out on Jane my finest prey ever.

I put the radio in my pocket and the gun in my other pocket. I then took out a pack of cigarette I stole from the van. I lit it up, exhaled slowly and stared at Jane.

**A Half Hour Later:**

Jane woke up and growled at me.

"What the he-?"

I kicked her head. I smirked as I saw a tooth fly across the room. I then looked at her bloody mouth and smiled.

"Maura?"

"Shut up! I do the talking."

She tried to move but whimpered as she realized she was pinned. I noticed the fear fill her eyes.

"Hoyt." She whispered.

"No."

She stared at me and blinked. I watched as the fear turned to sadness and understanding.

"You."

"Very good detective." I then pulled out the radio and showed it to her. "You know Jane I learned many things in jail." I gripped the radio tighter. "One of them is that you can't call for backup like you cowardly cops can." I threw the radio across the room and shot it.

I saw her flinch as she heard the bullet. She looked at me with fear and shame. I knew she felt guilty for what I have become. I too felt a sadness for what I had to do.

I put the gun back and knelled to look at her. She turned away. I grabbed he face and forced her to look at me. She did and didn't flinch. Poor Jane. Trying to be brave.

"Oh yes I learned so many things. Like to watch your back, to not talk unless spoken to, and things like that. The most important thing I learned though was to not trust anybody. A hard lesson I had to learn from you. A year is a long time to be alone."

"Maura I-"

I kicked her again.

"Maura is dead. Mad dog lives in her place." I corrected her.

She looked at me confused.

"Well Mad Dog may I speak?"

"You may."

"I want you to know that I am truly sorry. I never wanted to sentence you. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I betrayed you and will never be forgiven. I believed you were innocent right up until the trial. I didn't want to speak and asked many times to be kicked off the force. They wouldn't let me. I tried to bring myself to quit but I couldn't do it. I know it this doesn't mean much but I am sorry. I don't want your forgiveness or your mercy. I'd rather be dead than have to know I did this. Please know that I have suffered as well."

"I know you have suffered Jane. I saw how skinny you were at the trial."

"Yeah, I haven't been eating because I have been too depressed."

"Jane you are allowed to live your life. You should eat something. I have had to live mine, I mean it is different but I still am allowed to live."

"Is it ok to live when my best friend is suffering?"

"Yes."

I heard her sobbing. I have never seen Jane sob. I hugged her the best I could. It was the first time I showed emotion since lockup. We stayed like that for a minute.

"Maura. I mean mad dog. Aren't you going to cry with me?"

"I no longer show emotion. The gang would laugh at me."

"The lobas."

"Demonia lobas."

"My apologies. So you're badass gang member?"

"Leader and assassin."

Jane just nodded. We sat in silence for a moment.

"You didn't break into BPD just to have someone to talk to. Why are you here?"

"I'm keeping a promise."

"To who?"

"Whom."

Jane rolled her eyes. I threw the file on the ground.

"Look familiar?"

Jane turned away. I growled and kicked her twice. I then put my foot on her head. She growled and I spat at her.

"Now I'll ask again. Look familiar?"

Silence.

I kicked her again and punched her jaw.

"Jane, you're under my capture so I recommend answering the first time. That's something else I learned in jail."

I asked a third time and she answered me.

"It was a long time ago. What does it matter?"

"Because this woman is sitting in jail for something she didn't do! Now I want to know how many innocent people you threw in jail."

"I don't know."

Kick. "How Many?"

"None." Punch to the jaw. Kick to the back.

"Give me a number."

"I don't throw innocent people in jail. Every one of you is a monster. You are a killer like your father and that's all you'll ever be!"

I stopped dead. She looked at me. Her eyes burned in anger. Her jaw was bloody and her face was starting to bruise.

"Did you mean that?"

"Every fucking word. You're a killer. I took you off the street and protected the people of Boston. You know I don't care about murderers, so why would I care about you?"

I stepped on the scalpel in one of her hands and pushed it in farther with my foot. She screamed in agony. I repeated the process and then let up.

"Take it back!" I spat with venom.

She looked at me and smirked.

"Take it back!" I warned her again.

"No."

I punched her face so hard that the sound echoed off the walls. I felt the crunch of bone and was satisfied. She didn't flinch but panted hard.

"Nothing teaches discipline like pain. I'm done talking. It's time to teach you a lesson."

She looked me dead in the eyes and had this goofy grin on her face. I growled for I couldn't figure out what she was doing.

"I'll never take it back. For months I thought you were an innocent person but after hearing about the fights you got in and the people you killed, I see you're no better than me. I kill for justice while you kill for fun. I'm glad I threw you away like trash, jail is where you belong. I will never apologize for getting rid of scum like you or that bitch Beast.

You were simply another murderer off the street. I don't lose sleep over you, I don't worry about you anymore. Why do you think left you there? I know that you joined the gang for protection but ended up killing 20 people, even more than daddy. You think I would love someone like you? You are more pathetic than I thought. You have my gun so why don't you just kill me like you planned to?"

I shook with anger and pulled out her gun. I aimed it at her face. She smirked and began talking again.

"Even if you kill me, I'll die a hero and you'll just be tossed into another jail. Well go on, do it."

"Shut up!" I said and hit her with the gun. We both panted hard.

"Look at what your justice has done. It has torn us apart. Is that really what you want to represent?" I asked her.

"I'd rather represent justice than a gang. You are just a gangbanger."

I smirked.

"Is that the best insult you got?"

"Devil child." She said.

"Cocksucker." I responded.

"Rich bitch."

"Pork chop."

"Mobster."

"Worthless woman. You can even protect your child. Is that why it died?"

"Blonde bitch! I hope you got raped!"

"BLUE LINED COWARD!"

That insult did it. She trembled and tried to get up. I stared at her eyes. Inside burned the desire to kill me.

"That's right Jane. You're just a coward who hides behind the power of the blue line because you know you would never survive in jail because you are a weak little bitch."

"Damn you Maura! You'll pay for that."

I pointed the gun at her again.

"I'll make sure you never ruin an innocent life again."

I walked around her and stood behind her. She flailed not in fear but in anger and talked.

"Wait till I get you! Jail will be the least of your problems. You arrogant cocksucking bitch. I'll hunt you down to the ends of the earth. I'll fill you with lead and then slit your stomach, take out your guts and put them in a bowl. I'll show you and then when I done you'll see my-"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Shots rang off the walls as I shot Jane. I walked to her and looked at her. I pulled out the scalpels and flipped her on her back.

"Shut the fuck up. Can't you see I wasn't even listening?"

"You cun-"

I stepped on her stomach.

"Now it's my turn to talk. You are now forgiven Jane but you'll never hurt another innocent soul."

"How is it different? How is what you did in jail any different than what I do here!?"

I grabbed her collar and leaned close to her ear.

"The difference is I never betrayed my friends."

I let her go. Her head hit the floor with a thud. I stood up and looked at her. I turned to leave file in hand.

"Maura wait!"

"I'll look at the file for you."

I was shocked. Maybe it was the blood loss but I'd take it. I left the file on a table.

"The cops are swarming the building. Take an underground tunnel."

"Why are you helping me?"

"I have to give you a head start."

"Jane I shot your spine. You'll never walk again."

"This won't hold me back. I'll still be the blue lined coward."

"And I'll still be the devil child…"

"Jane no matter what I said I always loved you."

"Me too Maura. Friends?"

I grabbed her hand and kissed her.

"LBFFS." I said.

"Alright Mad dog. We know you're in there. Now come out before we break the door."

"Maura go. We'll meet again one day."

"You have ten seconds."

Ten…

I reached for a phone and called 911.

Nine…

I looked at Jane's eyes. I saw many emotions. Mostly happiness and peace.

Eight…

I looked over at the file. Beast would get her salvation.

Seven…

I thought about my many firsts.

Six…

My first school day. My first boyfriend. My first girlfriend. My first (second, third and fourth) families. My first friend and my first tragedy. My many firsts in jail. All of them.

Five…

I thought of the people I was leaving. Cailin, Angela, Mom, Hope and Jane.

Four…

I looked back at Jane and apologized for everything.

Three…

She apologized to me…

Two…

I stood up and faced the dark tunnel. This was my future. My cursed fate. Jane and I would cross again, only time would tell. For now I will never hurt her again. Maybe my escaped life would be peaceful. I could go to England, or China like I did during Doctors without Borders.

Wherever I end up, I owe it to Beast for helping me survive. I hope she gets what she wants. I also owe Jane who is my best and only friend. Yes we hurt each other but I still feel the love in our hearts. I closed my eyes.

"We are LBFFS. Viva las Lobas." I whispered to myself.

One…

The door burst open but I didn't hear it. I was already running. I had already taken my first step into this salvation, I can't stop now. Jane will never stop chasing me but I will never stop running. I have never felt this kind of love before and as I ran down that small black tunnel I realized something.

The love I felt for Jane was more than that of a friend and more than I have felt for any other person. It was in that dark tight tunnel that I learned the most important lesson of all.

There are so many firsts in life. First car, First house, first child, first real job, etc. But all of these pale in comparison to this first. Remember this my friend for the next time you see me.

_**Jane Rizzoli you are my first, my last and my everything. **_

**Fin**

* * *

**A/N: This is my longest piece to date. OVER 10,000 WORDS (24 pages). WOW. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. I am still working on my other fics and my one shots will not be as long as this. Reviews on all my pieces are appreciated. I don't know when I will update again but for now enjoy what there is. Also you may message me if you want to talk about any of my pieces or just in general. I usually respond within one to two days. Farewell my fellow fans! ^^**

**~Wolflover007**


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